I think that I have recently been able to synchronize with my intuitions; my exercises about listening to these personal information have finally paid off. I have been able to isolate the loud buzzing sounds of information that arise from the collective consciousness, so as to be able to access more easily, and to understand more clearly, these personal informational guides (yep, writing these sentences as if the whole was a speculative story👽👾👻🔮). And you know what came through?… Well, since my last confinement log entry, I have been busy working on the technical side of my digital devices, reorganizing contents and files, reediting and recycling old and badly written pieces, and finally, I have decided that I will try to stick with learning about how to organically optimize this site.
Thus, in the end, things are not as dramatic as I would have expected them to be, if I may say so… for my stress level was at its highest peak during last year’s lock down — where I was very tense and frighteningly depressed. But I guess that this time I have been able to shoo away these anxieties by finally accepting to trust the grand design of life, by stopping fighting with what I am unable to change, and to take it easy, to take it as it comes — and believe me, it feels more liberating than I would have ever thought. I now even wish that I had trained my mind earlier, for I know that I would have attained that level of understanding which surely would have saved me from all that mental stress and depression.
Life goes on; existence is a permeable matter — and what to do more than to wait and see, to trust that life can resolve and repair the wrong that we’ve caused. To wait and see; to wait and occupy my mind with beautiful thoughts and ideas, while doing things that I am passionate about; to focus my attention on continuing to build the future I want, to simply continue existing, to continue living my life, to continue blooming out until I reach complete fulfillment… and perhaps… perhaps if ever the Reaper or any other negative types come peering through the keyhole of my door, perhaps… my too much light will chase away negativity, while the Lord of death will want to wait a little bit more, knowingly that I am trying to do my best to acquire the necessary knowledge within the enclosure of a world that’s agonizing.
Anyway, I choose zenitude over anxieties, letting go over tension, all the while immersing myself in things like reorganizing, digital cleaning, learning basic optimization, practice edit-on-the-go, reformat the books and prepare the booklets. And that’s all what I’ve been doing recently, knowingly that I am now ready for the next level, for I think that I have attained a level of writing style that I like (exotic, reflection of my bilingualism, seeded with my own essence and wild heart, beautifully imperfect); I also think that I have been able to train my mind to come up rapidly with writing ideas, all the while focusing while writing. I am now certain that creative writing is my passion, and that I want to keep doing it forever… though what’s separating me from attaining excellence are those grammatical errors, bad syntaxes, my turtleish writing habits, and my limited English vocabulary — I still continue to practice and learn, with hope that someday I’ll overcome all of these writing weaknesses.
I choose to continue; to trust that everything is being taken care of, and that everything is falling into place. Till then, I hope we all stay safe, and that our mental health and heart might endure the weight of this tentaculous crisis.