The Dedication Amidst Anxiety

To be creative means to be in love with life. You can be creative only if you love life enough that you want to enhance its beauty, you want to bring a little more music to it, a little more poetry to it, a little more dance to it.

Osho

Anxiety is that gnawing feeling that poison my mind and feeds on my mental energy, it’s an entity that rules me, and fog my mind so that I can’t see clearly. My imagination becomes arid when the dark shadows of anxieties cloud my mind, which most of the time shift to stress, and where in the end I fall in the chasm of depression.

Mental breakdown is a scourge that plagues and threaten your existence, a LIAR🤥 that keeps telling you that you are stuck in a hole with no escaping doors, and that life is so bleak that it is not worth living; and the more you listen to that liar, the more madness takes over, and darkness is all that you can see… until one day you decide to write, to make art, to create, to chase away the demon of anxiety with the tools of light.

And that’s how I do it — to liberate my mind and alleviate the anxiety I practice free-writing on paper, that is I pen down automatically anything that comes up in my mind, I write without thinking, unchaining everything that’s locked or hidden deep in my subconscious, setting free all of these words that I’ve kept to myself because I was too afraid to tell, liberating these repressed emotions and feelings that accumulated inside of my body and mind to become this negative unhealthy monster that chocks, poison, and slowly devours me from the inside.

Afterwards, after that my heart has been relieved of its extra weight of hurts and anger and misunderstandings, I tear into bits and pieces that malignant paper filled with these ignominious unenlightening sentences😂, and believe me or not, right after I release all of these negative feelings, some kind of magic operates, and I get rewards like inspiration, insights, and ideas, from where I can extract bits of stories, poems, and blog articles.

I like to think that this process of letting go is transmutation, for I take my anxieties, my frustrations, these obscure heavy clouds, and transform them into creative writing.

Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.

Sigmund Freud

It’s the calmness, the peace, the beauty of things that I perceive, and also doing what I like without any type of frustration that opens the channel of creativity which helps me to connect with the inspiring source. I don’t thrive amidst chaos, negativity, and stressful environments, for lugubrious atmospheres annihilate my perception of harmony, which creates tensions that disharmonise my all, and where I basculate into negativity — that desolate place where darkness and chaos live.

Blogging, writing poems and stories soothe aches, and help to alight a car that’s heavy burdened… of that I’m sure, because when you sit down or walk (as I often do) to write a poem or fiction, all of your attention is turned inwards so as to be able to search for the words needed that will help to express what is intended, while for personal blogging (which I deem to be more difficult because the truth needs to be conveyed in a beautiful style and format, just like articles in lifestyle magazines), one needs to focus on creating the right content with photos, quotes, and all the rest… and by dedicating my time to the creation of new content and literary oeuvres, I can assure you that all anxieties naturally dissipate.

Creative-writing appeals as a beautiful creative leisure to my mind, insisting that I am here, alive, in full pocession of my mind, because I am taking all of the elements that’s from the well of a dream, everything that’s abstract and fractal, geometric, symbolic, and formulaic, to work my way through darkness — that I’m solving, giving that which is moulded from the depth of my mind the chance to become concrete, to exist, to fly away from its mental prison, and in the end, the want and need to be are stronger than these anxieties that gnaw my existence.

Thus creative-writing is the only interesting activity that appease my mind (well, apart watching T.V and movies😊) in times when anxieties strike, mainly during these ongoing times of health, economic, humanitarian, and sanitation crisis, simply because I am busy doing what I like without being bothered, and that creative-writing is not a source of frustration that troubles my mind, for it liberates my soul, and equilibrate my state of mind on these days of great pandemic.

To conclude, I have to write again that creativity is my own response to destruction, and where amidst these dark times, all that I can bring to the table is my dedication to writing.

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