Text written in light sky blue on a spiral notebook and a plate with slices of pears, apples, and mandarins topped with yoghurt, and dried grass on a white background.

The Weight Of Doing It All In Solo

Self-teaching oneself is much more difficult and time consuming than I would have ever thought.

Completing my book, creating content for my blog, learning, masterminding ideas for my solopreneur future, taking care of the children and of the house… pheeww! Telling you folks, I am overwhelmed, and this to the point that lately I had to reduce some of my main online activities so as to not be consumed by a burnout… knowingly of the warning signs of tiredness and nervousness.

I know that I haven’t well managed and organized myself and my time, skipped habits and routines, and that I have been neglecting house-chores, myself, and my responsibilities so as to stick with learning, researching, and practicing writing, for I simply thought that if I disregard all the rest to immerse myself deeply in that creative and learning state of mind I would have been able to reach the finish line quickly, to then afterwards manage my personal life and time accordingly to the work that I would have been doing… but how wrong I was! For neglecting house-chores and responsibilities to the detriment of doing something else is the most unsuitable approach for a housewife who has so much to do — self-teaching oneself is much more difficult and time consuming than I would have ever thought.

In the end, I found myself with a too heavy load to carry, frustrated amidst piles of things that have accumulated because I took the wrong decisions from the start. I wanted to rush, but I ended against a wall, nose and head blown, and my pride much more.

And during these last two months my energy level is low — I am absent from social-medias, and I am unable to keep up with consistent posting, simply because my daily activities have been shackled by the habitual seasonal remue-ménage, where two little cute boys fueled to the max keep running around the house all day, and normally playing like every child of their age do.

Thus, since the beginning of this summer holidays my days are filled with so much child-play buzzings and television sounds that I’m exhausted, and unable to properly focus on deep things. So here I am, sitting in front of the computer, thoughtless, while house-chores and personal responsibilities accumulate to the detriment of believing that rushing will lead me to that place quickly, and where I’m perhaps seen by some as being a lazy and neglecting woman🤣 — but I don’t want to even try explaining to these people what I am trying to achieve in my life, simply because they won’t understand.

On months like these I wish that I had a soundproofed room where I could retreat to concentrate in a quiet and serene little area. Nevertheless I would have remained anxious for my children are still at an age where they explore and learn through innocent mischievous deed, where thus they need to remain under constant adult surveillance. A reminder that the other day, while I was busy writing, in the room that’s next to mine they were both busy trying to fix something with a lighter they’ve found, and where the flames fell down to burn our linoleum floor. So, I prefer to keep both eyes and ears on my children instead of focusing on writing while they are on holidays.

If I was already a skillful and methodical writer it would have surely been different, but right now I am still at the beginning of this self-taught adventure, and I don’t even know if pushing myself will lead me towards rewards like money or a great job, thus I prefer calm down my game for now as nothing is certain.

That’s why I decided to diminish posting online so as to not get more overwhelmed than I am, preferring to use my time more wisely. I also need to think about a good execution plan, and formulate a schedule that I will be able to stick with on the long term. And as for my book, I get to it at night or early in the morning, when everyone is asleep… but for some days now I have seriously been thinking about putting an end to depriving myself of rest, at least not until I acquired the needed skills.

But still, I love that my early chaotic ways of rushing headlong in blogging, writing, and posting on social-medias made me realized that I need to be more organised and tactical, but above all folks, I learned that the tactics which I used when I was young, unmarried, and childless does not work at all now😂. I need to focus on things that are of utmost priority, learn to be patient, positive, and manage my time more effectively. For life is short, and I want to do more of the things that I really want to do… like writing fiction and poems, or creating content that makes me happy.

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