Erasing my account was really a silly mistake
I wish I could tell all of you what’s wrong with me, I wish I could make you understand all the things that goes through my mind sometimes, and that on some days I am like one of these machines or devices that burst a cable or lose it and short-circuit, or like all of those wires that have been rewired. It’s the easiest way to explain what triggers the emotions or the tidal waves on that moment where I end up erasing all of my digital accounts, including blog, social medias, and all the rest — all on which I have been working so hard since the year 2014. And now look at me, I have to start all over again, with no whatsoever proof at hand of the progress I made since I began. All data lost, everything has been tossed in the wind, thrown out of the window like trash when everything I’ve done till now were dear to my heart, all of these years of hard work gone in a finger snap… and for what reasons? Simply because one day I woke up and realised that my unfounded trust issues were too much for me, thus, just like that I erased everything.
When I came back to my senses I realized that I made a big mistake, but it was way too late to reverse the actions I made. I like to think that it was my intuition that made me do it, that it was an augur from digital precogs or oracles that got into my head and made me do it… as you see it’s better to put the blame on others😅… but in the end we always have to face the reality of our own mistakes. It is part of man to make errors, or is it🤔? What determines success? Isn’t it learning through errors, but still, making such dumb mistakes as I did is quite heartbreaking I think. I wanted to go hand in hand with the internet during this self-taught adventure, create an e-portfolio to show off my skills, squeeze all the juice I could from the web, take the chance to make what I am doing be known, create new and fresh content, and upgrade my English and writing skills, mould myself for employability, but I failed to do such; it’s so hard to start again.
I some times think that I clung myself too tightly to that web thing without really knowing what I was doing, rushed headlong like a bull into unfamiliar places, too star-eyed by all those e-articles that bragged about all that money they made online (although a handful of writers said that it took them about eight years to make money online, while others said that they had to pour in lots of money) — but it has never been that easy and never will, isn’t it? And it took me years to understand that there are many other factors that make online money makers… well, online money makers.
And that’s why I created this blog, so as to write about my aspirations, hope, my battles, my celebrations, my dreams, my heartaches, my finds and memories, these lessons learned, so that perhaps, you the reader, can find the right inspiration, do better, and avoid making the same mistakes that I did during this self-taught adventure in learning creative writing and the business behind.
My real problem is that I rush too quickly into something, I don’t look and think carefully before undertaking things, and I skip too many important steps, because I am simply addicted to the thrill of going into the unknown, that elation brings forth my steal-like determination, and it’s an issue that I need to work on, for on the entrepreneurial scene everything needs to be calculated for fulfillment or success. So was it the fact that after I went into that something the spark of going into the unknown died out as it got too boring along the way, or perhaps I felt that I was imprisoned, or something like that triggered my sudden act of erasing everything so as to restart and feel the thrill of beginnings? Perhaps, who knows! But I just can’t run away each time I don’t feel that I am being inspired, isn’t it? For I will never arrive at that place if I continue like that.
Now I am starting all over again, prior to what I have learned, and working as hard as I can so as to replace the contents that I’ve lost. But this time I feel that I’ve learned my lessons well, and as I continue to slowly write my book, I am also learning computer basics, with high hopes that I might become a little bit more acquainted with the digital world, so as to not anymore lose my work, devices, or else erase everything out of despair.
I did not come this far to only come this far, and I won’t abandon so easily, at least not until I did everything correctly. I know that I’ll continue making mistakes until I’ve learned, until I stop making silly mistakes; I just hope that I’ll continue cultivate enough patience, and love for this craft, so that I won’t quit this dream of finally flying on my own.