The cosmos is a space within which every single thing is at its place, out of order emerged all of our perfect bodies that now try to recreate perfect systems, the perfect routine, the perfect life, where, each one of us can live as we wish to. Without the perfect arrangement of things this order that commands time and life’s mechanisms, without a sequence, sustainability can’t be achieved, life can’t thrive, dreams can’t be concretised.
I don’t know what really happened during that primeval time, when from a sequence of violent chemical reactions, that hadean womb birthed out life, abiogenesis, creating an orderly system, the cosmos… but what I’m sure of, it’s that through the auto-arrangement of things reality happened, equilibrium was achieved, existence could thrive, for everything was perfectly aligned.
And I keep telling to myself that organising things in my life and mind so as to gain the necessary lucidity that will enable me to calculate my next move, and gain the needed time to do more of what makes me happy, which is my goal, is not a lost of time, for everything that I’m doing now is important, and no matter how much time I will take to organise contents, ideas, and chores, what really matters right now is to be able to build that solid foundation on which I’ll be able to cement my building blocks.
Thus, creating a list in the reminder app of all my blogposts, organising them, taking new photos for my social-media feeds, organising my files, thinking and writing down what to write in advance, planning, arranging, doings-undoings-redoing, finding that right balance in my life, putting some order in all of that mess, aren’t a waste of my time and energy, for I’m helping myself here to see more clearly, helping myself to have more time to do more of those things that make me happy. Through what I’m doing now, I hope to achieve that needed order, and escape once and for all from that mental chaos.
The sun rises and set at fixed hours at various fixed seasons, the sun and stars and planets form part of the cosmos, time is a compass and hourglass that helps us to measure our days, and I want each day of my life to matter, I want to make the most of my life, but to arrive to that level where I’ll be able to live at ease each day I need to organise myself, my time, my tasks, for the odds aren’t in the favour of a disorganised system.
Proper and good organisation doesn’t lead to probabilities, but the order of things lead to certainties. I know that all things eventually naturally materialise out of the right sequence, which is with what I’m experimenting right now — can we beat the odds if we do what needs to be done by following the right process?
Thing is, I have decided to embark on that self-employed ship while thinking that it was easy, that I’ll have lots of freedom and time of my own, that if everyone else was doing it with only an internet connection and a computer or laptop or phone, then I, too, would be able to do it from the comfort of my home… but as you all might see, it’s proving to be way more difficult than I would have ever expected.
Nevertheless, I’m not the type of person who gives up so easily, I’ll go to the extreme to prove everyone wrong, and I won’t give up until I find the end of it; because if I don’t try how will I know if I can or cannot do it, and if I’m not my own best fan and supporter, who else will? And though I still lack the needed patience, I am confident that I can do this, for I’m enough audacious and stubborn to hold on tightly to this seat until the end, until everything about what I want to achieve is in the right order. To me, it’s another interesting challenge that I need to overcome, a game, that I need to win, an experiment, from which I need to get the needed results.
But lately there’s another type of anxiety that has been gnawing my mind till the point of making me doubt all of my decisions, and this needle that has been pricking me is that of time; I’ve been worried sick about the fact that time is slipping away so fast while I’m still stuck with always going back to the beginning of arranging things as they should be; I’ve been worried sick about the fact that I’ll never succeed finishing in time what I’m trying to concretise; and even though I’m trying to convince myself that there was a time when I was not good at all at writing, at editing my own work, at generating ideas, at taking photos, or knowing how to blog, or even format my own ebooks, and that it was only through practice and systematic thinking, but also the needed time, that I’m now more at ease with doing all of these tasks, there’s still remnants of old fears about the fact that I might not make it in time while constantly learning how to arrange everything from A to Z.
Of course the simple solution to my problem of fearing time would be to stop blogging, to stop self-promoting on social-medias, to stop learning online marketing, to stop thinking about the needed plan, to stop organising files and tasks, and only focus my time and energy on doing nothing else but writing and publish my own books or pieces, and only care about keeping myself inspired and motivated… but right from the start I had already set my intention on blogging, for blogging attracted me because I’ve always wrote my thoughts and feelings in diaries, and I’ve always loved reading the profound thoughts of others, and becoming an author was only a means to an end.
Thus spoke the universe, “So you want to become a blogger, then you’ll have to do it in the only way that I’ve been doing it since existence appeared, that is in a sequence, step by step, and if you don’t get the needed results, if there’s failure, go back, learn, practice, and arrange, until you reach that order from where something sustainable and beautiful shall grow out.” And I heavily sighed, knowingly that I’ll need to tame this capricious patience of mine.
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