It’s hard to wait for approvals, to wait and see if what you’ve put out there are getting these likes, the love, the needed attention, and that’s why I trained my mind and heart to understand all of our differences, for everybody has their own preferences and thinking system, not everyone will like what you put out there.

But what really matters to me is to share what I personally like, share my own thoughts, be sincere about my experiences, try to be conscious about what I share online, and remain open to constructive critics.

If you know what you are really doing, if you are mindful of the kind of content that you’re sharing, if you are a responsible blogger, writer, and internet user, then nothing about what I wrote in the first part of this horror story should happen.”


September 9, 2018

I sit in front of my screen and wait. I wait for the likes and for the shares and for the positive comments. I uploaded my selfie earlier ― perhaps to show my joy, or perhaps to have some celebrity love, or perhaps . . . I don’t even know why I do that! It became so mechanical over time . . . now that I think about it all.

The trees and flowers outside of my windows change colours and wither throughout seasons, and I, I don’t even bother to look at their beauty anymore. The book covers on my shelves are clothed of smoky dust with aesthetic words that seem to get lost through the days, and I, I don’t even bother to read the pages.

My pen… oh! you should see my pen, it sits lonely in the dusty pot with dried ink on its tip, and I, I don’t even care to let my words flee into the world. And the papers, well, they are all wrinkled now, and I, I don’t even bother to embellish them with my words.

But I sit here, in that same place, all day, and all night long, with a pond of fish right beside my chair, and I wait for their likes and comments, and positive energy that will make my loveable ego grow, and for their gratuitous love that will shatter the walls of my boring existence, and thrill me to the extreme… I’m addicted to their love, for sincere love from others make you believe that nothing is impossible.

Was it loneliness? Was it for escapism? Or did I do it to feed my narcissistic penchants? And I can’t help myself from wondering why I bought that spell from that obscurantism online shop and spelled it out to have a more peculiar look that would have attracted greater attention from the mass. Now they all think that I’m the best special effects makeup artist there is.

I’ve got the fame, likes, and love that I coveted for such a long time with this peculiar appearance ― round and black opaque eyes, a tiny nose, a Cheshire Cat mouth, translucent skin that shows my internal glowing organs, thick and short ebony gluey hair, elf ears, and an appetite for raw fish, which I devour on live streaming like a voracious bear eating its salmon. I once tried to prepare sushis, but my audience prefer to watch my wild side, for to them I incarnate that savage beast’s life, all nature’s mother.

Sometimes my soul cries ― it cries for it has been scattered into every places and spaces where time seem to alleviate everything. But soon I come back to my senses again, and I’m in love more than ever before with what I became, for I’m living my dream, and I’ll do anything to keep these flames growing. And that’s why I bought a new spell to change appearance for my audience who indulge in getaways from the mundane, a new form that will thrill them, that will entertain their imagination, but this time, I decided to create a blog, to write, so as to give a more detailed imagery of my doings, while thinking about reaching a new type of audience, those that live outside of the web-space.

October 20, 2020

But how difficult is it to think so as to write it down on my online carnet; digging for the right words is shaping how I think, and slowly another type of flower is burgeoning from my heart.

I now revel at the scenes of shadows of light dancing upon the ground as the wind blows away the window curtains, and love to hear the birds sing… their songs echo in my heart, as the sun warms me up.

I’m changing without the help of spells. I’m getting good vibes. I’m now becoming, shedding these fake skins.